You saved me
by Under the Shadow
Summary: Darkness suits you. Shadows dance in your eyes and on your skin, but perhaps happiness suits you more. Perhaps you'll be saved.


**You've saved my life, now and every day since I met you. – In Time**

You're surrounded by darkness, and more than anything, it feels good. Darkness suits you. Shadows dance in your eyes and on your skin and finally, finally you feel like yourself. They worry, all of them, appearing in bouts and looking at you with say eyes, tearstained faces, disappointed smiles. They have no idea who you are, this girl so so different from the little girl they remember. So different from the sweet daughter, the fun sister, the compassionate friend.

They tell you that they're sorry. Sorry, you're guessing, for who you are, not for failing to notice it, notice you until now. They say they love you, that they will love you no matter what. You want to tell them that they shouldn't say sorry, that they really shouldn't tell you they'll love you no matter what, because they really mean that they'll tolerate this, this person you've become, until you turn back into the sweet little girl they so wish you truly were, back into the little Lily the used to know, you want to tell them that that wasn't Lily, want to tell them that you won't turn back into that. This is it, this is you, and they don't want you, they don't want to see this thing you are.

They won't love you when they realize that.

So you put on a show for them, you've always been good at that; counting out the different Lilies the way Dom counts out clothing. And, like Dom, the things, the Lilies fits you perfectly, a second skin, a second Lily. A hundred skins, a hundredth Lily. All fitting you perfectly, and they should, you've been perfecting this for years.

Some people have seen the true skin, the skin you've been hiding all this time, people that respectfully and expectantly ran away. Good for them. They saw danger. They saw reason. Now that she's bare she expects the same reaction from her family. But just because she's showing all, the truth and the shadows peeling out of her on their own account, doesn't mean that her family can actually see what's right in front of them.

They don't see much. They can't, they don't want to, they prefer denying to having to admit what's right on front of them, than having to see who or what she really is. They prefer pretending that you'll come back one day to be their little angel again, that all your preciously carved skins will cover you again; cling to you perfectly so that they notice you again. But those skins have torn, torn into bright, flesh coloured snippets dancing around your feet, and there's no possible way to put them back together, to create even one more skin. You're broken, and all the other Lilies are as well, and all that's left is the darkness.

You're filled with darkness, but it seems your family will never stop hoping, wishing for their little girl that never existed to come back, run back into their arms and tell them how good it is to be back. You can't though. Can't pretend, can't hide. There are a lot of things you can't to.

So you run, packing your bags in the middle of the night, leaving with only a small note for your family, the only consoling you can give them for losing their precious daughter, and the girl she really is. _I'm sorry. Don't come looking._

The do, obviously. But you're Lily and they've never really known a thing about you at all since you were nine, so they look for you in every and any place but where you've actually gone. Greece seems like a new world and a new life. But the darkness still swirls around and around and it seems like there's no way to run away from that part of who you are.

They send owls, you've practically made a coffee table with all the pieces of parchment they've wasted with words of _sorry _and _what can we do to make it better_. What do they expect you'll answer? There's even some in between telling you you're selfish, telling you of how you broke everyone's hearts. Tell me something new. Some new insults please. What did they possibly expect from the only Slytherin in a family full of lions and heroes?

You bathe in the sun and you pretend like it's soaking up all the darkness inside of you. It doesn't, but your skin feels raw in a way that makes it easier to pretend that this time you won't have any secondary skins, that you won't need to create more and more Lilies. You swim and you drink, your skin slowly turning browner, speckled with freckles, and your mind turning clear, and you think that maybe this is you, rather than the broken girl that escaped to this place months ago.

The sunlight suits you, warming the darkness, making it a shade lighter, a shade better.

Its months and you throw away all the letters. Its months and you write back. _I'm fine. Stop looking. _Its months and you start waitressing and learning the language. Its months and he finds you, waiting against your house's white walls and looking like he's been there for hours. You let him in. It's _why are you here _and _when did you start looking_ and_ how did you possibly know? _But he doesn't speak, looking around him like a muggle stuck at Hogwarts. _Teddy. _You breathe his name into the silent room and he looks, looks around him and looks at you.

_You look happy. _And you remember that he might have always stayed at your house but he's not really your family, and back when you had skins to cover yourself up in, he always still only saw you, seeing through every single layer of Lily that you hid underneath. You loved him for it. He left you and he stopped looking, stopped looking at you and at all the things you pretended, but he still knew you, still knew what no one else ever could. And you've always loved him.

_I am _you commend, offering him lemonade and a place to stay.

You sunbathe together, sometimes you sunbathe alone while he's splashing around in the clear blue water, and somehow with him here to absorb the rays and the light with you, the darkness starts to seep out. You laugh and you sunbathe and you drink together and you don't really find it in you to miss the darkness that you're losing.

He receives letters, questions. _About you_, he tells you, and he sends letters back, but you don't mind, you think that maybe your family will be able to love who you really are now.

Its months and you tell him everything; listen to everything he tells you. Its months and you fall in love. Its months and he's kissing you, loving you back and this has to be it, this has to be happiness. Its months and your family is flooing in. It's not full of tears and talks of love and happily ever after, but you hug your parents and you joke with Albus and James and this is probably what family is.

Teddy kisses you and your family smiles and maybe running away from them is the best thing you've ever done, but you're so happy that they're here now. They stay for a week and you're pretty sure you'll miss them when they leave. There are hugs and kisses and then they're gone. You miss them already but Teddy's kissing your neck and whispering in your ear and you're lost, but in the best way possible.

He whispers _I love you_'s and _thank you'_s and you whisper them right back, because he's saved you more than this place has, more than sunshine and clear blue seas have.

One day he whispers to you in the too bright sun, _marry me._ And so you do, in the bright, bright sun between dozens of redheads and there's absolutely no darkness there, with the sun beaming down and the sand between your toes and Teddy with his hair rapidly changing from red to gold to turquoise and back again, and you're so happy that you ran to Greece, and so happy he found you.

You think maybe the sun suits you, maybe happiness and love and Teddy suits you better than darkness and thousands and thousands of skins ever could.


End file.
